Blog episode 103: "Honey Lately, I've been way down/Say Hello, Wave Goodbye Medley"

Episode 103: “Honey lately, I’ve been way down/ Say Hello and Wave Goodbye Medley”

Well, it has been a while since I have posted anything on my blog…a long, long time. I guess I should update you on my situation right now. Right now, I am struggling to find a job in the entertainment industry, and in any industry for that matter. I really don’t know what I am doing wrong, maybe there is something I could change, I don’t know. I just know that now I have to move up to Maryland with my parents for a bit to sort everything out. The move is not going to be easy. Saying goodbye to people is not easy, but there is one girl it was so hard to tell about the move, someone that I have tremendous difficulty saying goodbye to. She is the hardest person to say goodbye to because she has impacted my life in ways you can’t even imagine. She opened me up, and got me outside for a while. Because of her I really did not want to stay inside so much. Sure we would go to the movies, because that is a vice we both share, but we were at least not in our rooms on the computer. 

I fell for this girl, she was the most incredible woman I have met in years, but it wasn’t in the cards. I don’t know what it was about her, but she was so striking and explosive that I was so afraid to tell her how I felt for fear of being blasted into another dimension. Okay, I am sounding stupid now. What I am getting at is that this girl is so special to me, because I get her, and surprisingly she gets me somehow. I feel this connection, and I have told her things most people don’t know about me. She has become a very close friend, and I am happy with that. I couldn't ask for anything more. So as the days go by, and I get closer to my moving date, I become increasingly okay with the move. It was what she said to me one night “Don’t be sad about it now, because you are going to miss all of the happy memories that are being made right now. You’re not going to enjoy your last moments with the people you love, and that is sad.” In a nutshell, that is what she said. After she said that, I began breathing normally, I stopped hyperventilating, and began writing ideas more.

So I wonder if saying goodbye is even appropriate. Maybe it is something my friends’ late mom said to me one day, “It’s not goodbye, It’s see you later.” So maybe see you later would be better?

Blog episode 102: "Hey There (Insert Lover's Name Here)"

Episode 102: "Hey There (Insert Lover's Name Here)"

Yes, in case you didn't know, the title of this entry is a play on "Hey There Delilah" by Plain White T's. Why choose this title? It is the song that reminds me that I am alone. Actually, you know what I hate the most? I was walking through Krogers Market. (Hey, that's how I say it "Krogers") I was shopping, getting my usual Dr. K soda, cause I am on a budget and I wanted soda dammit! On the loud speakers, they usually play some upbeat music. When I was getting my groceries, "The Scientist" by Coldplay came on. I love that song, but it was not the song I wanted to hear. I guess I've just got this fog  that I just can't walk out of. I've still got this thought in my mind that I just can't shake. No matter what anyone says, I can't seem to escape the thoughts.

Everytime I walk down the street, or standing in line at the store, or even hanging with my friends, I still get this feeling at the pit of my stomach. I don't know when this started, but when I see my friend with his girlfriend, this knot begins to twist in my stomach, and I want to just look away when seeing this, but it is everywhere. I hate seeing this. The thought that pops in my head is: "Hey, here is this beautiful girl, with a guy that is a hundred times better than me. Better looking, better at sports, better at love, better at damn near everything. A Sensitive Guy 2.0. So much better than the crappy and completely obsolete original. I really dont know what to do here. I feel like I am approaching the finish line, and I have nothing to show for it, other than this degree that is getting me nowhere. I host a radio show, that is getting me nowhere. I havent written a thing in 3 weeks, and my script is going nowhere. I don't even know if I want to continue any of these things anymore. A friend of mine said that she had found her missing piece. I have never seen her glow like this. I am so happy for her. It was like she was reborn, and she had never looked more beautiful. Now, where am I going to find mine. I thought I did, but that will never work. Nothing ever seems to. So what do I do? I feel like I have nothing, even though I have more than I could ask for. I am just going to go to work, and make enough money to live until I die. I can't live like that. My heart, my head, and my stomach wont let me live like that. Where am I going to go?

I just need to go to sleep. I haven't been sleeping very well lately. I love all my friends, and want nothing more than to make them and my family proud.

-Sensitive Guy

Blog episode 101: Into the Mystic

"Call me, Sensitive Guy." Yes, I am a Moby Dick reference. he he he he, dick, lol. Giggidy.

Well, for some reason, all these thoughts flood my head at such ungodly hours, that I need to find some outlet to let them...well...out. So after reading a friends blog, I decided to write one of my own. Wait, shouldn't I be working on my radio show, or my script? Nah, just want to blab for a few minutes. Soooooo....yeah! I have nothing to say, other than, I am a strange man, in a strange land. I have kept from being intimate with people for so long, that I can't take it anymore. I really want to find a girl that I can stand sitting next to me. I don't even care about finding "the one" cause...well, cause I don't care about it anymore. I am gonna waste time looking for something that could take 30 years to find. I just want someone to lay with, and hold, and love. I feel I am ready, but it seems the world isn't ready for me. What the hell am I to do? Listen to more "sad bastard music." Leonard Cohen, The Smiths, and oh, of course, the "Once" Soundtrack. "Falling Slowly" is the best song on the soundtrack! Well, I must go to figure out how to maneuver my way through the universe, and go off..."Into the Mystic." Yeah that's right, I said the title of the blog entry! lol