Episode 102: "Hey There (Insert Lover's Name Here)"
Yes, in case you didn't know, the title of this entry is a play on "Hey There Delilah" by Plain White T's. Why choose this title? It is the song that reminds me that I am alone. Actually, you know what I hate the most? I was walking through Krogers Market. (Hey, that's how I say it "Krogers") I was shopping, getting my usual Dr. K soda, cause I am on a budget and I wanted soda dammit! On the loud speakers, they usually play some upbeat music. When I was getting my groceries, "The Scientist" by Coldplay came on. I love that song, but it was not the song I wanted to hear. I guess I've just got this fog that I just can't walk out of. I've still got this thought in my mind that I just can't shake. No matter what anyone says, I can't seem to escape the thoughts.
Everytime I walk down the street, or standing in line at the store, or even hanging with my friends, I still get this feeling at the pit of my stomach. I don't know when this started, but when I see my friend with his girlfriend, this knot begins to twist in my stomach, and I want to just look away when seeing this, but it is everywhere. I hate seeing this. The thought that pops in my head is: "Hey, here is this beautiful girl, with a guy that is a hundred times better than me. Better looking, better at sports, better at love, better at damn near everything. A Sensitive Guy 2.0. So much better than the crappy and completely obsolete original. I really dont know what to do here. I feel like I am approaching the finish line, and I have nothing to show for it, other than this degree that is getting me nowhere. I host a radio show, that is getting me nowhere. I havent written a thing in 3 weeks, and my script is going nowhere. I don't even know if I want to continue any of these things anymore. A friend of mine said that she had found her missing piece. I have never seen her glow like this. I am so happy for her. It was like she was reborn, and she had never looked more beautiful. Now, where am I going to find mine. I thought I did, but that will never work. Nothing ever seems to. So what do I do? I feel like I have nothing, even though I have more than I could ask for. I am just going to go to work, and make enough money to live until I die. I can't live like that. My heart, my head, and my stomach wont let me live like that. Where am I going to go?
I just need to go to sleep. I haven't been sleeping very well lately. I love all my friends, and want nothing more than to make them and my family proud.
-Sensitive Guy
