Episode 102: "Hey There (Insert Lover's Name Here)"
Yes, in case you didn't know, the title of this entry is a play on "Hey There Delilah" by Plain White T's. Why choose this title? It is the song that reminds me that I am alone. Actually, you know what I hate the most? I was walking through Krogers Market. (Hey, that's how I say it "Krogers") I was shopping, getting my usual Dr. K soda, cause I am on a budget and I wanted soda dammit! On the loud speakers, they usually play some upbeat music. When I was getting my groceries, "The Scientist" by Coldplay came on. I love that song, but it was not the song I wanted to hear. I guess I've just got this fog that I just can't walk out of. I've still got this thought in my mind that I just can't shake. No matter what anyone says, I can't seem to escape the thoughts.
Everytime I walk down the street, or standing in line at the store, or even hanging with my friends, I still get this feeling at the pit of my stomach. I don't know when this started, but when I see my friend with his girlfriend, this knot begins to twist in my stomach, and I want to just look away when seeing this, but it is everywhere. I hate seeing this. The thought that pops in my head is: "Hey, here is this beautiful girl, with a guy that is a hundred times better than me. Better looking, better at sports, better at love, better at damn near everything. A Sensitive Guy 2.0. So much better than the crappy and completely obsolete original. I really dont know what to do here. I feel like I am approaching the finish line, and I have nothing to show for it, other than this degree that is getting me nowhere. I host a radio show, that is getting me nowhere. I havent written a thing in 3 weeks, and my script is going nowhere. I don't even know if I want to continue any of these things anymore. A friend of mine said that she had found her missing piece. I have never seen her glow like this. I am so happy for her. It was like she was reborn, and she had never looked more beautiful. Now, where am I going to find mine. I thought I did, but that will never work. Nothing ever seems to. So what do I do? I feel like I have nothing, even though I have more than I could ask for. I am just going to go to work, and make enough money to live until I die. I can't live like that. My heart, my head, and my stomach wont let me live like that. Where am I going to go?
I just need to go to sleep. I haven't been sleeping very well lately. I love all my friends, and want nothing more than to make them and my family proud.
-Sensitive Guy
The thing about finding your missing piece is whether or not that piece wants to stick around :P and you're right, working until you die is no way to live because of the way you feel. you are meant for more than just that and sure things seem glum now and nothing seems to go right but keep visualizing how beautiful the future will be. you've got passion a heart and a soul and no one can ruin that. you just have to alter your attitude about somethings a bit. first step: do something you don't normally do. and hey there isn't a sensitive guy 2.0 because sensitive guy 1.0 is so amazing, he doesn't need an update :)
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