Blog Episode 105: Some Nights I Wake Up and Wish I Were a Cheeseburger

Episode 106: Some Nights I Wake Up and Wish I Were a Cheeseburger

We are doing comical lines are we now? Why yes, I am changing things up a but,
because, well I don't know. I was walking through the mall, and this line popped
in my head: 'Some Nights I Wake Up and Wish I Were a Cheeseburger.'

What does this mean???? Well, in a nutshell, it means that I would rather be someone,
or something else, than myself.

Why, you ask? Well, lately, if you have been reading this blog, I have been feeling...how
should I put this? What word sums it all up? I feel like shit. Let me elaborate a little...

For some time now, I have been feeling like I am not who I was. I have become an angry
and lonely man. I haven't been taking my anger out on anyone. I have been beating myself
up. Some days have been great, fun, and full of hope. There are days however that get dark
and hopeless. Why? It all goes back to the old problem of self esteem. Some days I feel like
I am not worth it. I don't deserve the love that deep down inside I really want and hope for.

The women of the past, I have feared them. I have a fear of women. There is something about
them that is so scary. I couldn't  tell you what it is, maybe I have put them on a pedestal for so
long, that I have grown to fear them. I do hold them up high, only because they are special.
I think women are wonderful and amazing. I would crawl to the ends of the earth, if that meant
that the girl of my dreams would be in my arms. But that wont happen. I don't deserve her,
I don't deserve any of them.

'Why do you feel this way?' my friends ask. 'I don't know' I answer back, 'I just don't think I am good
enough.' Sounds selfish and mean doesn't it? I guess it comes from being shot down in high school or something.

I am grateful for every woman in my life, though. They are goddesses who are full of love.