“When busy streets a mess with people, would stop to hold their heads heavy”

Long title I know, but this song “Hide and Seek” by Imogen Heap has been stuck in my head for several weeks now. BTW, this one of my favorite lines from the song. Ok, so lets get started with this blog, I know it has been a while.

Have you ever thought your life was running in sequel mode? Well, not just any sequel, a really repetitive one, where the character just never learns from his naive yet stupid mistakes? That’s the kind of life I’m living. Lately I realize, that all the stupid things I do, are the horrific side effects of what makes up the good parts of me. The parts that still to this day, baffle, surprise, and even make some women feel guilty. 

Women are my whole world. Sure I help men out, but it is women that I really truly want to take care of. Something last week hit me by surprise. I am with my girlfriend, and we are really getting hot. After she climaxes, she asks me if I came, and I told her, not yet. What’s crazy, is that I didn’t and do not care about me getting off, I really want to get her off, and I proved that I can do that in spades, but I don’t worry about myself.

The truth is…I really don’t. 

It makes me happy knowing that the people I love are well pleased and satisfied.

So, what are the horrific side effects of the “stupid things I do” i.e. being nice? Stress mostly, some sleepless nights, and some moments where I just want to break down, but I really can’t. You know what the crazy part is? If I would go back, I would do the stupid things still, because they are for people I really care about. Maybe its because I am drawn to them or something. Something about them just jumps out and says “this girl is something”

I really don’t know why I am writing anymore, it really is not making an impact. I am still sad, and angry at myself, and so incredibly stupid for thinking that if I do something, it’s gonna go off without a hitch. Things never go off without a hitch. There is always something isn’t their?

I don’t know how to close this entry, other than another song quote, but I really am not feeling music right now, so I will just say that after all this, my love for women is admirable. I never want to see them hurt, I always open doors for them even if its old fashioned, and I actually listen, and not that fake listening shit that some men do. I really love hearing what people have to say. I love hearing what happens in other people’s worlds. I also happen to give the most amazing hugs, and I have a set of shoulders that are the most absorbent ever, they can handle the toughest of tears (I know that sounds like a paper towel ad, lol). The only thing I ask of all this, is not to use it like a paper towel, just use it like you mean it. Use it like you care.

Okay, enough ranting and sobbing, its time to watch a movie. Everyone have a good day. Peace and love to Jacks and CelticWings, and to everyone else reading :)