“It’s amazing just how very little you know about yourself”

“It’s amazing just how very little you know about yourself”

Well, long time no writey. For the most part, things have seemed to be okay, except of course on the job front. It’s a really hard time to find a job. I have managed to find little things here and there, in and outside my field of film, television, and radio. Recently, I have had this feeling of confusion, of loneliness. Even though I have an amazing girlfriend who is there for me, and I am there for her as well. There is something I can’t get out of my head…a series of questions. Some of them may shock those I know who read this, but here it goes…am I gay?

As you may or may not know, I have had sex with a few men, since I was 13. Don’t worry, it was with someone my age. I only did it at first to experiment. To see what it was like, and I loved it. Every bit of it, it made me feel good inside. All while this was going on, my uncomfortability towards women continued. I did have crushes, but I was scared to approach. I had a few guys in my bed before I met my current girlfriend. Well, my gf and I have been playing around with role reversal, me being the girl, you know? Well, it has brought back these feelings. I don’t know what to do. I am scared here. One minute I want a cock really bad, and the next, I feel uncomfortable with that feeling.

Many times in the past, I have looked at porn, one thing I have realized…I don’t see myself as the guy. I imagine myself in the girl’s position. Sometimes I imagine what life would be like if I was a girl whenever I get confused about how I feel. I am still attracted to women, but is it because it's "what is supposed to be" as I have pictured it my entire life? or am I just bisexual???

The only feeling I am having, is a feeling of being lost. If you have any advice or explanation, please leave me a comment.